Harry Potter and the Idiots
by Angles of Death
Summary: Harmless fun for the family.
1. Part 1

Harry Potter and the Idiots

-Hogwarts-

It was a dark and gloomy day. Harry was sitting near the lake side and sighed deeply into the darkness.

"Ah, my life, is like, a tree. A treetree. A treetreetree."

He moaned into the open lake. The lake nodded and stuck out its middle finger at him. "Kid. Get a life."

"Sorry. Cuz I'm just a little too WHITE AND NERDY!!" Harry laughed manically.

-In Riddle Mansion-

Voldemort was watching the popular TV show the Apprentice. He loved it when Donald Trump fired someone, it was the most satisfying moment of the show.

"AHAHAH! Yes bitch, die bitch!" He cackled as he gleefully watched another one of Donald's apprentices be fired.

"Oops." He had the tendency to slobber while laughing and now his clothes were… **soaked.**

He also now had a tendency to shout out "You're Fired!" randomly during meetings, and they also came with an accidental wandless _crucio_.

"So, my minions… PETTIGREW!"

"Yees, my lord?" Peter asked meekly.

"YOU'RE FIRED! Hahaha!" Voldemort cackled while Peter spasmed up and down in pain.

Lucius glared at Voldemort. "Milord, I think your mom is so fat."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Screamed Voldie. "I think your mom is a loser!!"

"Which is why she pwned you last night! Oohh!!!"

"Wtf."

Meanwhile, the snake Nagini was eating her favorite meal – cornmeal! Nagini loved cornmeal with all her 7 hearts. However, the cornmeal that she was eating was prepared by Senor Dumbass, which meant that her meal was

Dun dun dun…

**CORNY.** "What a retarded joke."

-House of Granger-

Hermione was eating chicken soup because she just saw her OWL grades, and they were officially worser than last year.

She had earned an E in Potions and Transfiguration!! What a failure!!

Her mom was shocked beyond disbelief. "E? E? You sux0rz."

"Sorry mom. At least I earned an A in Astronomy."

"FRED!" Hermione's mom cried. Her dad came running in shouting "DERF! DERF!!"

"Huh?" The squirrel outside asked. Unfortunately it was ran over by a car in like, 2 nanoseconds.

"Lerriuqs."

"Meep."

"Abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz!!!" Fred shouted happily.

"Where's the P?" Asked the bookworm, Snape.

"RUNNING DOWN YOUR PANTS! **DERF!!"**

"Wtf is derf?" Asked Hermione's cat, Crookshanks.

"DERF!"

"Derr." Mymommyismydaddylol said.

"DERF… IS…

Fred winked. 2 centuries + 17 seconds later…

"FRED SPELLED BACKWARDS!!"

A short pause. "Oh!! Chicken soup for my soul!" Cried Hermione in horrible angst.

"Chicken soup for my… CHICKEN!!" Said an unidentifiable constipated, disfigured and mutated voice.

Sausages for my pig!! Thought Snape. "Meepers."

"I have just one thing to say…."

"Derr."

"Wtf is Derr?" Asked the squirrel's constipated ghost.

"**R-RED** SPELLED BACKWARDS!! HAHAHAHA." Laughed… Stanley Stunpike.

-Ministry of Magic-

"In thejungle the mightyjungle the lion sleeps 2nite…."Sang Rufus Scrimgwemourzzccx, whose name was just butchered.

"The lion… is moi " Said his sexy assistant who had a secret crush on her pencil. "What a sexy pencil," she thought.

The pencil winked at her. "Watch it hun, in a couple of days, I'm gonna Smack that, all on the floorrrrr smack that give me some mooroeeee"

The eraser pffted. "You can't do any smacking, you stupid wiener. I can smack, bitch! Smack that, till you get soree, smack that ooohhhhh"

The pencil glared. "Well, at least I can…

"Poke. Lullz."

"POKE-----------MON! OOHHH"

"Wtf. Shut up, you stupid wiener."

-Hogwarts-

Harry ate his pencil. "AHH!! I STILL HAVE TO SMACK SOME BOOTY" were the pencil's last words. The pencil however failed to digest, and instead ended up making Harry into a tree.

"Now you're one of us! Wood! Huh! What is, it good for? Absolutely everything!"

"My life… is… now…"

"A tree."

"Treeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuu dat!!" Said the tree, who stuck out his middle finger at the lake, who stuck out his middle **toe. **


	2. Part 2

Harry Potter and the Idiots Part 2

-Hogwarts-

Harry sank into the Lake, and died.

-Voldemort's crib-

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you"

They were singing happy birthday to one of their beloved trusted Death Eaters Lucius Malfoy who was smiling widely.

"Happy biiirthday dear Lucius" Sang the Death Eaters with constipated voices.

Everyone wanted to go to the bathroom but since _Voldemort_ was there,

there was no bathroom.

if you went you would get pwnz0red.

voldemort was already in the bathroom for 4 hours after binging on diet pepsi and mentos. Jackass.

"Happy birthday 2 u!" Sang the Death Eaters. They all cheered heavily as Lucius bowed and bowed. Then, he used his wand to cut open a fabulously delicious chocolate cake. Then, he ate.

And then, they ate.

And then, they died.

"POISONED, BITCH!" Laughed mymommyismydaddylol, who just entered randomly and was now rapidly morphing into **mydaddyismymommylol.**

However

The only problem was that all the death eaters were constipated so they had to come back alive for a brief moment to relieve themselves on the ground nearest them before they died again.

Wtf.

And then

Voldemort comes out of the bathroom smelling so bad he actually smelled good. Too much of a bad thing is actually a good thing

"Wtf happened?" asked Voldie angrily. He walks into the pencil.

"HEY voldie!" Laughed the pencil. "I got some news for you. YOU suck! And when I see your face, I slap it like **YEA!"**

The eraser laughed at the stupid pencil. "Shut up all you can do is poke. Lullz."

"Wtf is Lullz?" asked unimportant character.

"Well, I think it's" started the eraser

"Umm"

"**LOL SPELLED BACKWARDS! BWAHAHAHAHAHA**" laughed the squirrel who was squashed in like, 2 nanoseconds by

Another nanosecond.

-The Burrow-

"Loosen up ma buttons baby, but you keep frontin' me." Sang Ron.

"Sayin' whatjuu gonna do to me, uh huh, but I see nutthinn" Fred chimed in.

Time stopped. Fred walked up to George. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I think we're in heaven." George winked as he went behind an extremely hot girl and

then

IT WAS RON.

"HELP ME!" Screamed George.

Fred came over and died.

"Wtf**."**

-House of Granger-

Thunder.

Clouds.

Rain.

"It's raining it's poring the old man is snoring." Sang Hermione peacefully while she danced around the living room.

Fred, her dad, was sleeping on the couch.

All of a sudden

"**BAM!" **screamed Fred as he went off on a **tangent.**

-Ministry of Magic in China-

Rufus Scrimgenourzzxxc, whose name was just butchered again (I don't feel like looking up the correct spelling) was talking with the Minister of China whose name was RuFuSuX.

"Guess what bitch?" Asked RuFuSuX.

Rufus Scrimgenweiousdfzxxxxcc asked "what?"

"**YOU SUCK BITCH!"** laughed RuFuSuX manically.


End file.
